The first thing you should know before you begin a new relationship is that there is no perfect relationship in this world.
When you know and believe that, your relationship will last longer. Most often we see happy couples and celebrities on social media then we conclude that they are happy and we begin to envy them.
Remember the adage that ‘not all that glitters is gold.’ When you envy people’s relationships, you will compare theirs with yours and comparison often leads to arguments and quarrels. The second rule: do not compare your partners to others. Accept the ‘wahala’ that comes with being in a relationship and nurture it till it grows.
How To Attain A Sustainable Relationship And Marriage
Build a Solid Friendship
The most common mistake committed in relationships is entering into the relationship before getting to know yourselves which is wrong. The formula for a sustainable relationship is friendship + relationship= happy marriage.
We move from one relationship to another because either we couldn’t tolerate certain behaviors of our partners because we never studied them in the first place or we weren’t compatible. And often blame ourselves for all our failed relationships.
Do not begin the relationship before you build a friendship. Build a solid friendship then transcends to the actual relationship, this way you know all the likes and dislikes of each other and also know if you are compatible or not.
With this, you could identify your partner’s fault and know if they are tolerable. Hence, you wouldn’t spend five to ten years in a relationship without getting married.
Nurture Your Relationship
How do you nurture your relationship? You already know each other so there’s no need for that. What you do at this stage to generate a feeling for the person. Once you know the person you begin to like that person so your likes generate love.
Some couples tend to love at the friendship or the marriage stage, it doesn’t matter provided you use the formula that way you stay on the safer side. Go on dates, spend quality time with your partner, play, tease and joke around a little, all these nurture your relationship.
If you are too serious, the relationship becomes boring and you fall out. It is no news that a woman loves attention so as a man make time for your woman and as a woman create peace for your man. Don’t nag or stress him. Be patient with him even when he’s acting difficult. No matter what your man does don’t fight with him. Give him peace and he will always come back when he goes out.
Don’t React, Be Proactive
There are a lot of failed marriages out there, women blame the men for cheating and lying while men blame women for stressing and nagging them every day.
Have you wondered how your mum kept her ground despite your father’s cheating? It’s because she ignores him. The solution here is to ignore your husband. He goes and comes back late, don’t greet him with arguments. Let him be. You suspect he’s cheating so you go through his phone, wrong! Because you need proof to know he is cheating. It would only give you sleepless nights.
When he cheats that’s his problem never let it be yours. If he does no longer eat at home, don’t stop cooking continue cooking for him even if he doesn’t eat, one day he will get tired of outside food and come asking.
Know What Time it is
Marriage is not where you make your partner fall in love with you, marriage is the stage you make a family and sustain it. To the women, you give birth to children, take care of your home, and care for your husband. Do not go nagging for love or attention. Your priority is to your children.
When your partner comes before your children there will always be war at home because any negative attitude he or she does, affects your psychological wellbeing. As a man, in marriage, your duty is to love and care for your wife, children and to provide all their basic needs. When your marriage is failing ask yourself and your partner what you are doing wrong. Are you the woman submissive to your husband?
Are you the man giving your wife the love and attention she needs? Is the communication flowing between you of the two? As a spouse do not let your work break your marriage, make time for your wife or partner else they tend to seek attention elsewhere.
Do Not Marry for the Wrong Reasons
Do not let desperation drive you into an uncertain marriage that you would later regret. Take your time to get to know your spouse because marriage is forever. It is true when they say ‘women are their own enemies.’
Whiles others struggle to build their homes their fellow women will use a minute to bring it down. By nature, women are jealous beings whiles men tend to be possessive but as a woman do not go attacking your husband’s mistress or lover.
Remember the married you over her, attacking the mistress only demeans your value. After all, it is a shame that you fight over your husband while you can’t fight to keep him at home. As stated earlier be their peace, no matter how much he tarnishes the holy matrimony.
You Might Undo What Good You Have Done
Lastly, as the saying goes ‘when a woman truly loves a man the only person who can destroy that love she feels is that man himself.’
Do not destroy the happiness you took years to build. In a relationship or marriage, it gets to a point you fall out of love when it happens to rekindle that love, do not seek it elsewhere.
If you can’t find love or happiness in your relationship or marriage, create that love and you will find happiness. My advice is, the evil spouse you married is better than the angel you don’t know.
Do not listen to friends or families’ advice when it comes to your relationship or marriage, they are often jealous of what you have and they tend to give you negative advice to ruin it.
In addition to the above article, communication, and patience also play a key role to attain a sustainable relationship and marriage.